Ups and Downs

I have been thinking about writing this post for a while. It's hard to be so open about such a personal thing, but I feel like I just have to get it out there. I'm a person who needs goals and to be kept accountable which is why I always post my nike+ runs to twitter/facebook. I'm competitive so if I set a goal I  know I have a better chance of getting to it if I make it into a competition or put money on myself (like signing up and paying to run in a race). Or if I know people will see my running pace on facebook, I'll push harder so it's a better pace. So here it goes.

I've never been a skinny girl. That just wasn't me. But I always felt like I was "normal". After Jonathan and I got married, I put on some newlywed weight. That was when I tried and realized I liked running. I also started doing Weight Watchers without actually doing Weight Watchers. I didn't go to meetings or pay to be in WW, but I calculated my points and it worked. I lost 23 lbs! After that weight loss, I maintained that weight for a couple years. That felt like my comfortable zone. I was a size 6 pants/jeans and was happy with that. I felt healthy. I ran multiple times a week and didn't "diet" but I was conscious to eating healthy. I could shop easily within my size and everything was always cute when I tried it on and shopping was FUN!

The month before I was pregnant with Adalyn. 

When we went through infertility I felt like the clomid really made me bloated, but I was still in the same size clothes even if they weren't quite as comfortable. Then I got pregnant with Adalyn and I packed on the weight. I honestly didn't feel like I ate that much, but when I said that to Jonathan he said that I did eat all the time. I honestly don't even know exactly how much weight I gained with her since I stopped paying attention to the scale at the end of my pregnancy and it took me many months afterwards before I even stepped a toe on a scale.  I would say that I gained around 75lbs. {{gasp}}

Adalyn 3 months

I wasn't expecting to be able to wear normal clothes after giving birth, but never expected it to be as hard as it was. I wasn't one who lost weight breastfeeding. Nope. I also hadn't expected that Adalyn would be almost a year old before I could even fit my wedding ring back on. And even then I couldn't wear both at the same time. I could wear either my engagement ring or my band. That's how fat I was and how much I didn't lose. When Adalyn turned 1 I was still 35lbs heavier than pre-baby.

The month Adalyn turned 1 I got knocked up. Ha! I was so worried about getting pregnant while still being so far away from my goal weight. But I couldn't let my own insecurities get in my way of being excited that I was pregnant. I was much more careful during my second pregnancy with how much weight I gained. Again, I honestly couldn't tell you how many lbs I actually gained. I think it's pointless to worry about it at the end because seriously, what can you do? And who really cares if it means that you are growing a healthy baby, right? I would say I gained about 30 lbs give or take a few lbs. Which if you're doing the math, made me end up around the exact same place I was when I had Adalyn.

Cayden 3 months

After Cayden I tried to get back to running and my hip and pelvic pain issues I had during pregnancy started in again. I actually tried (and finished running very slowly) a 5k in the fall and afterwards I couldn't move off the couch for the entire day because I had so much hip/back pain. I went to my physical therapist and she asked me to stop running and focus on some strength core training to build up my sad little internal saggy muscles that didn't know what to do after two back-to-back pregnancies. I worked with her for a few months and little by little she would give her permission for short runs and the small 3k that I ran back in March. Then a few weeks ago she granted me full running permission and I took it and ran with it. {see what I did there??} :)

After running 2 two miles(ish) runs for four weeks I got on the scale and the numbers HAD NOT MOVED! I got so frustrated. I decided I needed to invest in myself. If I pay money to WW, I'd be forced to do it. I talked to Jonathan about it and he asked me to use the free Lose It app that he uses that also tracks food, exercise and has a bar code scanner for food. I told him I would give it one week and then I'd sign up for WW online. I started using Lose It a week ago Monday. I tracked the calories of everything I put into my mouth and I got two runs in during the week. On Friday I weighed myself and had lost 4 lbs! After seeing no results for so long, seeing the scale move that much was amazing! This is my second week using the Lose It app and I've stayed dedicated. I did go over my calorie allotment on Mother's Day but I was still under for the week. I got two good runs in and I got on the scale today and was down another 1.4 lbs. So in two weeks I've lost 5.4 lbs! Old fashion diet and exercise. That's what everything comes back to, right?

I feel like a switch has been flipped. the running really has me in better spirits, less negative and I have more energy. The crappy thing is that I knew I would feel better so I don't know why it took me 9 months! I mean, I could have at least started eating better even when I wasn't able to run. In the back of my mind I knew this which is why I was always beating myself up.

Right now I'm 1.2 lbs away from my pre-Cayden weight. My goal weight that I have given myself is actually 5lbs more than my pre-Adalyn weight just because that was the smallest I have ever been and I gave a lot of time (that I don't have now) to running. When I get to that weight I'll decide if I want to kill those extra 5 lbs. So as of right now I have 31.2 lbs to lose. I'm wearing a size 12 pant (I can squeeze into a 10 but it's not pretty) and I'd like to get back into my old size which means I need to pretty much cut myself in half:) It's going to happen. I'm sick of being overweight and having double chins in pictures. It is on. I'm doing it. And this time I'm not going to get pregnant before I can get to my goal. Jonathan has been such a great motivator and wonderful with keeping the kids so I can get my runs in. (And running along side me pushing the kids sometimes too!) He's my support. He actually persuaded me back in March to run a 5k with him this Saturday. That is actually why I started running more in this past month. I need goals. I'm excited to run it. I know my time won't compare to how fast I used to run a 5k, but I'm just excited to run it and feel good doing it.

Those 3 pictures at the top of this post? Those are my motivation. Those two kids in the last picture? Motivation. My wedding rings that until this past weekend sat in my jewelry box untouched? Motivation. (Just last weekend, I was able to wear my band again and I was so excited.) Along with the entire closet of name brand still in style clothes that are too small for me right now. Yep. Bring it. And because I like being being held accountable, I'll hopefully be checking in with a blog post here or there with weight loss successes!

Movin' On Up

A couple weekends ago we bought Cayden a new big boy car seat. Back in March we bought a car seat from a consignment sale for Jonathan's car and left the infant seat stationary in my car. Cayden was just too heavy for us to lug that car seat around any longer. He's still under the 30 lbs weight limit for the infant seat but with two long car trips coming up in the next few weeks, we felt that he needed a little more space in his seat to be comfortable.

We bought the exact same car seat for Cayden that Adalyn has. Britax still made the same color which is great for the OCD issues we have in our family:) It's just so crazy to see my BABY in a big boy seat. Of course I had to get a picture of him sitting in his infant car seat (not strapped in since it was a bit of an afterthought) just so I could remember the moment.

And just so I can be sappy, I had to go find a picture from his first time in his car seat.

Ok, someone please come scrape me off of the floor. I can't handle how fast time is going.  What happened to my teeny tiny newborn??  

Here he is in his new big boy seat.

 I think he's a fan!

 He sits upright so much more now so he was really loving watching himself in the mirror.

 I love that now the kids can see each other and talk to each other better than before. It is precious to watch them interact. 

Yet another milestone we've passed. It's amazing how fast it goes even when you try to savor every moment!

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! When you have two kids 2 and under Mother's Day isn't necessarily a day of vacation and doing nothing, but it is a day to feel special. Jonathan and the kids made me feel so special this year! He made a precious homemade craft with the kids, gave me a new purse and shirts, took us out to lunch (even though the kids didn't behave like normal), and then even took us out to get frozen yogurt tonight! The kids were a handful and didn't both sleep at the same time so there were no naps to be had by yours truly, but that's ok. Spending nap time holding my baby boy made me so thankful for being a mother.

Here are a few pictures we attempted this morning before church.

It is so hard to get everyone to look at the camera and smile at the same time! 

Now that I'm a mom, I realize even more how amazing my mom is. I always knew that she was a great mom, but now that I'm a mom I feel like I understand a whole new level of her love. She has so much love for me and I love how much she loves and adores my kids. (And as you can tell they adore her too!) Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

9 Months

Cayden turned 9 months old last Friday. In my mind he is still my little tiny newborn. I just can't believe he's only 3 months away from his birthday! That is just crazy!  Cayden is such a joy. He's so smiley and is just content to watch his sister (and sometimes try to steal her snacks).  He's smiles all the time and will give big grins and giggles to anyone! (Something that Adalyn still won't do!)

Cayden has two teeth and is always hungry. He eats a TON and always fusses for more food as soon as his bowl is empty. He eats a banana and yogurt for breakfast, a veggie and fruit at lunch and two veggies and a fruit at dinner. Plus he has bottles and puffs in between those. He goes crazy when he sees his bottle. He flaps his little arms like he's going to fly away when he gets super excited. Honestly I think if I didn't cut him off, he would eat from morning until night. He loves puffs and yogurt melts and shovels them into his mouth by the handful but he's not really into other bite sized table foods.

Cayden is wearing some size 9mo clothes but mostly size 12mo clothes. He's such a chunker that most of his little pants were getting too tight around his middle. He's wearing size 3 diapers but I'm pretty sure he could move up to 4's anytime.  His feet are tiny and he is still in size 1 shoes.

He is not mobile yet, nor does he seem interested in being mobile. I know this is good for me because I'm sure once he is mobile my life will get so much crazier! He rolls over on the floor but not really for a purpose to get anywhere. He's also not interested in standing or pulling up. He won't even stand up if we hold his little torso. The doctor checked out his legs and she thinks they are perfectly fine and that he may just be lazy. Ha! He doesn't need to stand or crawl. He's got enough entertainment from his sister to keep him occupied! Because of this, we haven't yet dropped his crib down (Adalyn's crib was already moved down by now) so when I go to get him in the morning and he's on his belly I see his little head pop up over the top rail of his crib. It's so cute.

He didn't have to get shots at this appointment! Yay!! Here are his stats:
Height: 28 3/4"  50-75%
Weight: 19lbs 15.5oz  50%
Head: 16 7/8  5-20%

Here's Adalyn's 9 month post. I love comparing the pictures and stats:)

I was honestly shocked that he is only in the 50% for weight. He just seems so heavy and filled out that I was convinced that he was way higher than that. He is bigger than Adalyn was at this age so I guess that's why I feel like he's so heavy. I'm sure once he starts crawling he'll shed some of that baby chub:)

Here are some pictures from this month.

 Of course sister had to get in on the picture action:)

Siblings

Last week after work the kids were being so cute that I just had to get the camera out to document the brother / sister relationship. 

Adalyn was eating some goldfish with blue paint from a picture she made at daycare in her hair and on her face. She LOVES painting and drawing.

 Happy boy with his sister's old rolling toy.

 If Adalyn is within reaching distance, Cayden is always all over her snack bowl. He SO wants to eat whatever sister is eating. He doesn't realize that he isn't able to eat her snacks with his two little teeth. It's all she can do to get his little fingers peeled off the bowl. Boy likes to eat.

 I love this picture. She's saying "no brother" and he's saying "why not? give up the good stuff!"

 So he leans in with more vigor. 

 Look at those leg rolls!

 Adalyn turned away to guard her bowl and you can just see Cayden's wheels turning.

 The reach-around. Nope. Didn't work.

"If all else fails I'll just try to pull her over." 

 And thankfully after all of that, Adalyn is still just as sweet to him and gives him kisses.

 Pesky little brother. That's his job, right?

 Later Adalyn was trying to teach Cayden how to use his sippy cup. (Yes, she has a different shirt on.)

 "See? Watch me."

 She also likes to give him his bottle. She's pretty serious about it.

I am so thankful for their precious relationship. I just love sitting back and watching them interact. I know it will only get sweeter.

We Have Visual

Cayden has had two teeth for a while now but I've just now captured them in a picture. He is still very much teething so I'm sure we'll have more teeth pop through soon.  Of course it took an entire series of pictures before I actually got the teeth on camera:)

 I can't handle this cuteness!

 Teeth!! He loves this Sophie teether. He loves it even more than the regular Sophie:)

I love this little happy, chubby boy so very much. I just can't get enough of him!!