Week 8

So today is the beginning of week 8 for my little peanut.  I want to cherish and love every second of this pregnancy.  I have dremt and prayed for this for so long that I'm going to enjoy everything. Ahem... well other than this constant nausea and food aversions!!  I can handle the food aversions.  I get hungry but nothing sounds good and thinking of certain foods makes me want to hurl.  But, I can get through that.  It is the nausea that I have issues with.  I thought it was getting under control by only flaring up in the evenings after dinner, but I was proven so wrong today.  I woke up and felt funny for the first time in the morning.  So I ate a few saltines.  Then I got ready and was driving to work when "it" hit!  Oh my goodness.  I was picturing myself pulling over to the side of the road so I grabbed the sleeve of saltines that I had in my purse (to take to work of course.  I don't always have a sleeve of saltines in my purse!) and ripped that sucker open!  Do you know how hard it is to open crackers while on a highway driving?  Hard!  Thankfully I ate those until I got to my work parking lot and they helped a lot. 

My doctor has given me a prescription for these amazing little pills that take away the nausea (with some other unfortunate side effects) and in the evenings when I start to feel queasy I take one and poof the nausea is gone!  The problem?  They cause drowsiness... I can't justify taking one on my way TO work.  I will never get through the day!

I had to run a work errand, so I stopped at the grocery store and grabbed another box of saltines to keep in my office and some instant ramen because my tummy seems to like the mildness of it.  Pair that with water and preggie pop drops and I'm alive!

Let's just hope this passes soon...I only have 5 more weeks of it right?? right??  But even when I feel like death warmed over and I can barely keep my eyelids open because I'm so fatigued, I'm thankful.  I'm thankful for these awful side effects because it means that there is a baby growing!!

We're going to start taking belly pictures today.  I haven't decided what shirt to wear.  I'd like to wear something that I can wear in every picture from now till the baby comes so I can make a cute picture collage.  And I haven't decided when I will start posting them on here.  I'll probably wait a few weeks until something other than chubby is showing:)

Signed Papers!

Along with all of the baby craziness that has been going on in our home, we have had the house craziness in full force!  We found out two days ago that the buyers of our house wanted to go ahead and sign papers to close the deal.  They are allowing us to stay in the house until we can close on the house we are buying (for a daily fee of course).  We jumped at the chance to sign papers!  In the back of my mind I just kept thinking about the buyers and what if they backed out and then we couldn't get the house that we are buying, etc.  So today we went and signed the deed over to the new owners!!  They were really cute and really excited to buy their first home.  It made me feel good that they said they love the colors and decorating and are so excited to live in our little house!

Now we are mortgage-less...for a week!  We are hoping to close on our new house next Friday, but we don't know when we will actually take possession of the house.  I'll just be happy that all the papers are signed and the deal is closed!  Hopefully the people we are buying from won't need to be in the house for too long after our closing date!  I just can't wait to get the keys and start painting and updating fixtures!  Oh yeah...and unpacking. bleh!

This is a crazy season in our lives, but I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Rollercoaster... Of Love...

I don't even know where to start!  Today Jonathan and I had a routine ultrasound before the D&C on Friday.  We had come to terms with the miscarriage and weren't expecting anything other than to hear the details for the "procedure" on Friday.  Well, the ultrasound tech asked if I was bleeding or cramping and I said no that the only thing that had been wrong with me was some serious nausea.  She said that was a good sign and I thought that was weird... a good sign for what?  We already know there is no baby and that the nausea was from the high levels of hormones from the drugs I was on.  The Doctor told me last week to let others know about the miscarriage because there was less than a 1% chance they would find something this week.  She wanted us to have a support system in our grieving. 

WELL... The ultrasound tech (who was playing K-Love and I found out goes to my church!) said that she could see the heart beating!!!  WHA???  HEART?  THERE'S A BABY??  Oh my goodness!  We couldn't believe it, but we were watching it with our own eyes!  We could see the baby and see the little heart pounding and hear the heartbeat.  God is good, isn't he?  She said that "things sometimes can't be explained."  My Doctor came in and was flabbergasted.  She didn't seem to know what to say at all.  She apologized for telling us to tell people and for not being optimistic last week.  But we assured her that we saw the empty sac too.  So they are changing my due date to November 9th (which ironically was the day that baby Eli was due).  They said that the baby is measuring 7 weeks and 1 day, where last week from their count of my cycle I was 7 weeks.  They said this could be why there was no heartbeat last week because it was too early.  But it still does not explain why there was no baby last week!  Nothing that the Dr., tech, or we could see at all!  We should have seen a blob of something like the first ultrasound I had.

God is awesome!  He has absolutely answered prayers in miraculous ways!  We of course would have announced our pregnancy a little further on (after 12 weeks) in a more fun way, but we will take this!  So here it is.... WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!  I am trying to be cautious until after the 12 week mark just because I know what a heart-break it is to "lose" a baby even if it was only for a week.

Thank you again for all your kind words of encouragement and prayers.  We love you all and are so excited for you all to walk down this new road with us!  Here are a couple pictures...

Yes, 3 tests.  I couldn't believe the first two so I made Jonathan go to the store to get the digital one!

This was our first ultrasound.  That black blob in the left corner is the pregnancy sac and that tiny white speck is the baby.

Obviously we did not get a picture from the ultrasound that showed no baby in the sack.  Pretty sure I didn't want a souvenir.

These pictures are from today.  Not that you can really make anything out... But it shows a BABY!  The first picture is actually 3D.

This is how Dakota told his Aunt Lindsy, Uncle Tim, Aunt Billie, and Uncle Derek (and cousin Eli!).  They were the only ones we could tell in person since this whole thing has been crazy.  I really didn't want to tell our parents such news over the phone, but we couldn't wait after this rollercoaster we've been through!  (The scarf was not part of "the look".  He got groomed today so it's his Easter scarf!)

Thanks for the Love

Thank you so much for your outpouring of love and prayers for Jonathan and me!  I couldn't believe how many facebook messages, emails and comments I received after my last post.  I mean, there were comments from people that I know in "real life" that I didn't even know read my blog!  It has been so heartwarming to us to read your kind comments and know that we are being bathed in prayers.  Thanks again.  We really appreciate it!!  Love you guys!!!

Sometimes Life Isn't Fair

A couple weeks ago I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep.  (This is really unusual for me since I usually fall asleep when my head hits the pillow.)  But I was thinking and my mind was running.  I was thinking about something I haven't ever talked on this blog about.  I was thinking that it is such a huge part of my thoughts and feelings, so I feel like I need to write about it just to get it out of me.  After reading other girls' posts on this subject, I realize that maybe if I wrote about our struggles, it might help someone else. 

Here it goes...  Jonathan and I have been trying to conceive since June of 2008.  We tried the natural route.  I stopped consuming caffeine and we tried to do everything by the "natural" books.  But it just didn't work.  When Jonathan lost his job, obviously our plans were put on hold.  Once he got a job again, we said that must have been God's plan to not allow us to get pregnant since he knew that we would be on one income for a few months and it would be stressful to do that pregnant.  Well, as time wore on we realized that it obviously wasn't in God's timing yet.

I went into my doctor August 2009 and she said we had a few options to things we could do and to bring my husband back so we could talk.  We both went back for an appointment where they did an ultrasound to make sure that my organs were all good.  Well, by the time we saw my Dr. and she had looked at the ultrasound she said there were no options to talk about because I needed to have a laparoscopy (surgery) to remove a cyst and most likely some endometriosis.  We were shocked and taken aback, but we asked how soon.  She literally got us in the next week for surgery.  Sure enough she found a cyst larger than what she had expected and also endometriosis.  The good part about having the surgery was that she was able to do a procedure to run dye through my tubes to make sure they are clear.  Had this not been part of the surgery it would have been "option #2" and would have been really expensive since insurance doesn't cover it for infertility.  Since it was part of the surgery it was covered.  So we were thankful.  My Dr. said she got everything and thought things would work out and that maybe this had been causing our infertility problems.

A few months later, we still had no luck.  She put me on Clomid and after two months there was nothing.  She added Estradiol and Projesterone for the next two months.  Guess what?  After that fourth month?  We were pregnant!  (3 at home pregnancy tests worth...I made Jonathan go to the store to buy another brand because I didn't believe it.)  We found out 3 days before the day I left for San Antonio and also had an offer put in on our in on our house!  There was so much excitement all at once.  We thought that this was God's plan.  He knew that we would move and we would be all ready to have a baby.  That's when I decided not to post about our infertility problems.  Hey, we didn't have infertility problems anymore so why write about them.

Except I went to my doctor last week to hear the heartbeat and there was no baby on the ultrasound.  There was a baby the week before when we were there.  Not this time though.  It's amazing how 7 weeks pregnant you are already so attached to your baby.  Thinking about people who have late term miscarriages, I don't know how they do it.

So once the miscarriage finally happens in my body or I have a DNC (whichever is first), we will take a couple months and then start all over on the medications.

Ok God, I'm being stretched again and it hurts.  It hurts really bad.  Can we be done with the learning and stretching yet?  Have I learned enough lessons this year?

I just read this on a friend's facebook status and thought it was fitting.  "To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.  When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.  The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you."

Dakota Pictures

It's been a long time since I have posted.  (I think I said that on my last post too!)  I don't think I've ever been this sporadic in posting EVER!  But life has been insane so the last thing on my mind is blogging and getting my feelings out.  So because I don't want to be personal today, but I felt the need to blog I decided to post the last 4 pictures I have on my phone which all happen to be of my furry baby, Dakota.  Plus, I think we could all use a fluffy post before I post the serious post that I have been working on for the past couple days (which in all honesty could be another week before I post...).

This first picture is from the night we got home from San Antonio.  Dakota was staying with Tim and Lindsy, their 2 dogs and 3 cats and KENNEDY.  Let's just say that Dakota has a thing for Kennedy and the cats too.  oh my word.  I don't think he rested at all while he was there because there was so much fun to be had.  That evening he fell asleep in this position and was breathing so heavily that I was hoping he was ok!  So cute to see him tuckered out!

He is laying on the love-seat looking too cute for words with his new elephant (which sadly isn't with us anymore...it has to be a really sturdy toy to last more than 24 hours under Coda's care!)

The other night I was reading blogs (wearing my pink snuggie of course) and he kept laying his little head on the keyboard so I'd rub his head.  When I would stop he would nudge my hand.  It was like "Pay attention to me, mommy!  Not that silly thing you have on your lap every night!"  Either that or he was trying to type his own blog...

Sometimes Coda likes to hide from us by going under our bed.  The cutest part is when he only goes half under, but like a kid, since he can't see us, we can't see him!  Sometimes he does this in the morning when I'm getting ready to leave, as if to say.  "Don't leave!  Come find me!!"

Ok, so those are the last four pictures I've taken with my phone.  And there is a happy fluffy post! :)  AND the sun is shining outside so it's going to be a good day!

My CRAZY week!

Hello world!  It's been many a day since I have even logged into Blogger!  If you know me well, you know that there is something wrong with that!  Even if I don't write a blog every day, I always read the blogs in my dashboard...that is, until this week.  I feel like I've been through an emotional and physical rollercoaster ride in the middle of a tornado.  Like the visual?

If you all remember in my last post we were in Texas for "vacation" and found out that our house had sold with being on the market for less than 3 weeks.  We were floored and then scared!  We expected a few months to get ready for this type of change.  As soon as the wheels of the plane hit the tarmac we were off on a crazy whirlwind of an adventure to find a house in order to not end up homeless!  (Of course our wonderful friends offered up for us to stay with them, but it's always better to only have to move once!)  We searched everything we could find online and came up with some houses we wanted to walk through.  We ended up walking through houses Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights until 9:30 to 10:00.  Needless to say we were so exhausted each night mentally that we went straight to bed when we got home!

Do you know how sometimes God asks you to trust him and you feel like you're being stretched beyond?  But you know there is a reason and that God has a plan?  Well I kind of felt like that.  (I feel like I've felt like that a lot in this past year...)  We just couldn't find the right house for us in the end of town that we wanted to live.  And I was getting a bit emotional about it.  I usually like to think I have a level head in most circumstances, but this was just too much!

After many prayers we put an offer in on a house and after a couple negotiations back and forth, they eventually accepted our offer!  YAY!!!  We found out last night and it was such an amazing feeling.  We offered what we had agreed would be the most we would spend, which was quite a bit lower than their asking price, so we thought they would give us an immediate NO WAY(!!), but after 3 or so hours we got a call that they had accepted!  God is so good!  This house is perfect for us and I'm thrilled!  The owners go to our church and so do the next door neighbors, although since it's such a large church, I don't know either couple.  Everyone here at work that knows them, says that they are both wonderful couples!  I'm so excited to have nice neighbors!! :)  That makes a big difference in a neighborhood!

I know I reminisce a lot on here, but I can't help but look back on last year at this time, when Jonathan was working at a temp job, I hated my job and we were scraping by.  There would have been no way that we would have believed that we would be moving to a beautiful new house (with a basement! for some reason most houses here don't have basements) in just a year!  God has been so good to us.  I feel like we've been through some serious growth in this past week learning to trust.  Isn't it funny that learning to trust is such an on-going thing? 

I'm sure life will be crazy over these next 3 weeks due to packing and moving, but hopefully I can get some time to relax and catch up on my blog reading!  I feel so "out of the loop" not knowing what all my blog friends are up to! :)