Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Back to Work

My maternity leave has come to an end. Today is my first day back to work. I was able to stay home for 10 weeks with Cayden (which is two weeks longer than I was able to take with Adalyn) so I am thankful for that time. But I hate to hand him over for someone else to care for him. I know he is in good hands and his big sister will love on him all day, but I will miss having special moments with him each day. As I sat yesterday morning nursing him, I thought to myself that tomorrow at this time I will be pumping and someone else will be holding him and feeding him a bottle and looking down at that sweet face. That is a special bond that up until today my boy has only shared with me.  Jonathan has given him a bottle twice, but other than those two bottles I have nursed him for every single feeding. So this will be a whole new thing for us to start washing bottles and for me to pump all day long. Adalyn had to have bottle supplements from day one so it wasn't so weird to think about someone else feeding her a bottle.

I really am doing much better leaving him than I did with Adalyn. Or so I thought. But now that the day is here, I am much more emotional about it than I was expecting. I've done this before. I've left my precious newborn with someone else for 40 hours a week. This time I actually know our sitter instead of dropping my baby off with a stranger. I know it gets better. I know he's in good hands. I know it's good for him and that he'll be well adjusted and will learn to take turns and share and play well with other kids. I know this. But my mama's heart still breaks when I think about not spending my days with this precious boy.

I went back and read the post I wrote about going back to work after Adalyn. And every single one of those words still rings true. Actually I could just copy and paste that post today and it would work. Going back to work is never easy. At least at this age, he doesn't know any different and in no time he'll be excited to go to the sitter just like his big sister is each morning.

I'm excited to hang out with adults and see my coworkers...I just wish it didn't have to be 5 days a week. I honestly don't know how I'll get everything around the house done around a full time working schedule. There are so many little things that I do during the day around the house that I don't know how I'll fit all the little things in our evenings and weekends on top of our normal evening and weekend routines. I know it will all work out and we'll get into a routine. I still say that I'd love to stay home (even if it was part time) but that's not a possibility so I'm glad that I have a wonderful sitter, a wonderful boss and a job I love.

And because I can't not do it...I've got to post a couple pictures of my sweet baby boy.
I love his little piece of hair that sticks up on the top of his head like a mini faux hawk.

 I could kiss those cheeks all day long.

 I love this face. So sweet. Getting ready for a good scream.
 Talking to mommy.
I miss you today, sweet boy. I'm counting down the minutes until I can pick you up from daycare.


Janine said...

This made me cry. For several reasons....I read this as I nursed my son, who will be going to "school" soon, too. I dread it. I dread not having the time at home with my boys and not being able to do those little things that make our household run smoothly. I think this is why the bottle hasn't happened yet here...I am in denial. I am proud of you...keep up the good work, mama. Soon we can lament together about the return to work (but make time slow down! I am not ready!).

Aishlea and Brandon said...

:( Sad for you today, friend. I too wish that I could decrease my hours and be part time at least so I could be at home more. But we just make the best of our situations, right?! So sorry....hope today goes by quickly and you get to hold those sweet kiddos in record time!!

Lindsy said...

Oh girl - I know it had to be so tough. I'm so thankful (with you) for Tamra and how much she loves Adalyn...I'm sure she'll love Cayden just as much. You're great at what you do and God has you there for this time in your life. You'll establish a rythym and figure it all out just like we mommies always do. I'll continue praying that each day gets easier. Love you!